This past January my son found just the right girl to spend his life with. I was invited to be the best man which I was honored to do. With this position comes the task of doing the traditional “Best Man’s Toast”. Those of you who know me know traditional is not my strong point. I put together around 10 minutes of rambling which I felt pretty much sums up what marrage is (from over 30 years of experience}. Since presenting this I have been asked to provide a copy. Below is the speech as close as I can get to what was said. I did make some changes on the fly which I have tried to insert as best I can remember.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
My name is Giles Dixon and I am the father of the groom.
First let me clarify exactly who the groom is. Some call him Jeremy and some call him Stik. Back in High School he was tagged with the nickname Stik because he was tall and thin. The name has stuck with him even if the shape didn’t. His mom and I still call him Jeremy because that’s his name.
Jeremy was a well behaved child that never cried or acted up much as a baby (unlike his sister – but that’s a tale for a different occasion).
His mom and I watched him grow from a short long legged little kid who looked funny and uncoordinated when he ran into a tall long legged man who looks funny and uncoordinated when he runs.
While life brings about many changes in a person as they mature, there are many good things about him that haven’t changed.
God was at the forefront of his life at an early age as God still is today.
Honest and sincerity were always number one on his list as a kid as they are still (though there was that one time in the third grade when he tried to sign his own report card).
Playing by the rules has always been at the top of his list. I remember back when he was a small kid and the loudspeaker at the department store would announce that the store was closing in 10 minutes. Jeremy would worry you sick about how it was time to leave and we had better go.
He was very cautious and used sound judgment at a young age and that trait has followed him all the way up to this day even to the point of taking his time in making sure he found just the right girl to spend his life with.
Doing what’s right has always meant more to him than doing what’s popular or easy.
He is and always has been very courteous and thoughtful.
Katie, I sincerely believe you will be happy with the husband you are getting.
On the other side we have only known Katie for a short period of time but I have found Katie to be a fine young woman.
She is kind, understanding, she has an excellent personality and sense of humor, she is tall (which combined with Jeremy’s height should guarantee us a tall guard if it’s a boy or a small forward if it’s a girl), she enjoys cooking which explains some of the shape change Jeremy has gone through, she is a Duke fan – which knowing I am a Carolina fan … we’ll put that aside for now.
I believe she will fit very well into our slightly dysfunctional family.
Jeremy, other than that Duke thing, I believe you made the perfect choice in Katie.
You two are entering into a new life full of exciting and adventurous times.
It will be fun at times and challenging at others.
Jeremy, seeing as to how your mother and I have the perfect relationship, I feel the need to try to pass on some words of advice to the both of you.
I did some research and found the following catch phrases that people say make for a perfect marriage.
I’ve never been a wife so I’m probably not going to be much help to Katie with this but I do have a few years experience at being a husband and I will try to help explain how these words of advice apply to my marriage as I go along.
The one they always say is “Don’t go to bed mad”. I agree with this. I have found that it’s a lot more exciting to stay up all night arguing about it like your mom and I do.
Along those same lines they say if you can’t resolve it, it is best to sleep on it. I have found that the sofa works better on this one than the recliner. It’s easier on your back.
They say you should Quickly Forget whether you are right or wrong – I think I was better at this than your mom. I could forget I was wrong right off the bat but your Mom would remember when I was wrong for days.
They will tell you that being in love takes work – I go along with that. As a matter of fact when things got a little dicey, work is where I would go hide.
They say that “You don’t fix things by fixing your partner”– I wish your Mom had paid attention to that one. She had me fixed right after Mackenzie was born.
They also say that Communications is the key to a good relationship – and I believe that. You have to pay attention to what your wife is saying when you have a disagreement. They say you have to listen. There are several key phrases that you need to know particularly if she ends a sentence with them. I think there are a couple that I can help you with here.
“Fine” is one to watch out for –If an argument ends with her saying this word, you lost. Just shut up and back away slowly.
“Nothing” is a dangerous word– While the definition of Nothing is nothing, in this context it really does not mean nothing. It means all hell is about to break loose. Be wary.
“Go Ahead” – Now Go Ahead is not permission. It is actually the equivalent of a double dog dare.
Loud Sigh –A loud sigh means that while you might think you are winning the argument she is actually thinking “why am I wasting time arguing with this idiot”.
“Okay” – is a means of stalling while she figures out how she is going to get back at you for putting her into this situation.
“Thanks” –Now Thanks can either be a sincere form of gratitude or a form of sarcasm. If it is sincere, then a reply of “You’re welcome” is in line. If it is a form or sarcasm, the “You’re welcome” will likely bring on a response of “whatever”.
“Whatever” – is her way of telling you what you can do to yourself in a way in which you wish she would just say it.
“Don’t worry, I got it” – comes after she has come to the conclusion you are not going to follow through with a previous request and she just as well do it herself. This will usually result in long periods of silence on her part where the guy makes the fatal mistake of asking what it wrong. Be prepared to reference the word “nothing” that we went over earlier.
Now I can write these down for you if you want me to.
Getting back to the original pointers we were discussing
The last one of any significance was one where they say that if you have a choice of either you or your wife looking good, make sure your wife looks better than you do. You’re not going to have to worry about that one. It kinda came natural to you.
Now Katie I don’t think it would be right not to try to help you out a little going into this thing so I have researched and found a couple of rules of the road they say the wife should practice:
They say “A wife needs to learn to operate a toilet seat”. If it is left up, it was an accident. She should lower it and get over it. Isaac Newton went to a lot of trouble to invent gravity just to help with this.
In your relationship Carolina Basketball is a given. You need to plan your schedule around their schedule. It all comes with marrying a blue blood tarheel fan.
A wife should not try to sugar coat shopping. Us guys know it is necessary, we just don’t think we necessarily need to be involved in it. Root canals are necessary to and the same principal applies.
Anything that a husband said in an argument more that 1 month ago is no longer valid in an argument today. We change our minds more often than we change our underwear.
Usually anything we say can be interpreted in more than one way. If what we said either hurts your feelings or makes you mad, we really meant the other way.
Men are like the old VGA computer monitors. We operate in 16 colors. To us pink is pink, yellow is yellow, avocado is a vegetable and peach is a fruit. Do not expect us to be any good at decorating decisions. You might interpret this as us not really caring and you might be right.
If we have to be somewhere in 10 minutes and you are running late, whatever you are wearing is fine. Us husbands might actually care but don’t count on us telling you about it.
Don’t ask us what we are thinking and expect a deep meaningful response. As a rule we try to leave the heavy problems for someone else to solve.
Katie, my last word of advice is Find happiness and joy in simple things in life – like your in-laws.
My time is up but I do want to close with this one thought.
As you begin new lives today
You’ll sometimes find it rough
What’s yours becomes ours, free time’s devoured,
Adjusting will be tough
No longer can you burp out loud
Be careful where you scratch
Be sure to sort the darks and whites
And now the sheets much match
But you’ll soon find it’s all worth while
As problems turn to fun
Differences dissolve away
As two turn into one
Just remember when hard times do arise
And place you love in peril,
It’s always better than divorce
Just ask your Uncle Daryl
In all seriousness I would like to congratulate you both for taking you time in life and finding the perfect mate and I, and everyone else in the room, wish you many happy and exciting years living your lives together.
May we now all toast Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Dixon.
